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Reeta Sinha

On unity, diversity and identity

While the rest of the United States celebrates diversity, some Indians are ready to dive into that mythical "melting pot", hoping when they surface, they will be coated in red-white-and-blue and so-called American values. They will have shed all they think is unacceptable about India, about Indians, whether those whom they seek to emulate asked them to or not.

Assimilation seems to be an Indian buzzword now. According to some, our #1 priority is to be whipped in with that cream called "the American way of life." Or else. Or else, we face a future that includes xenophobia and isolation -- a future in which we cannot succeed.

Really? This sounds more like a recipe for disaster.

Here's one from my cookbook: you can be Indian living in the US; you can even be a US citizen who is still Indian.

Besides, with all the "American" ways of life to choose from, which one are we to soak up? I think they mean the one portrayed by the media -- mainly white, mainly beautiful, mainly prosperous, mainly good-model mainstream Main Street America. The next logical step for those who think of themselves as or are labeled a model minority, right?

It might work, if Indians could first decide what we are. Some say we're not targets of discrimination, that we're not victims -- we just like to think we are. Others say we're like any other minority here-singled out for unfair treatment by the majority, no matter what we do. Still others say we're better than Americans. I say we're just like everyone else. Good, bad, poor, rich, leaders, followers, and everything in between.

Two stories about Indians in the US broke recently illustrating this. Jhumpa Lahiri won the Pulitzer Prize in fiction (she is Indian, I think -- BBC Online reported she's a Bengali-American, others said she's south Asian, so I'm not sure). Participating in a panel discussion of Indian women authors last year, I heard Ms Lahiri introduced by the moderator as "the daughter" we [Indian immigrant parents] would all love to have-a model minority child who grew up and done good. Really good. When the award was announced last week, much was made of her ethnicity -- how proud some of us were. Why?

Because of her skill as an author or because she was Bengali/south Asian/Indian/whatever? Did "we" have anything to do with either? Or, because we didn't expect an Indian living in the US to win such an award? I guess this makes us a model minority with a victim complex?

Across the country, the San Jose Mercury News ran the front page story 'Indo-American youth in gangs defy stereotype'. Not-so-model minority kids gone bad in gangs with names like 'Aim To Kill' and 'All Indian Mob'. I'm still waiting for someone to say how ashamed we are of these boys, by the way. I'd rather hear we're concerned, but anything would be better than denial, silence, ignorance. If we reflexively gush over an award-winning writer, perhaps not due solely to her talent, surely we can't ignore others like us, those who are apparently in trouble?

Of the two above, which do you think some mean when they say Indians must assimilate? Both represent an American lifestyle, both are possible outcomes for a child growing up in the US. Those in the youth gangs are from affluent families, according to the article, as well as from single-parent homes where the adult was working two jobs to make ends meet.

Do those who tell us to become more American prepare us for all scenarios? Or, do they assume, based on their own experiences, their own choices, that to absorb and be absorbed by American society leads only to happy endings? These are the ones who usually speak of democracy, of values, and human rights, as if these were American inventions, American privileges.

In our rush to take in, let's not be taken in by those who discount the possibility that we may end up as one of the other "minorities" existing in this country-minorities not defined by race, accents, or culture. It is naive to believe we can assimilate only the "good" the US has to offer. It's an all-or-nothing deal, a deal that may also include disease, violence, poverty and bigotry. And, here we thought we'd left all this behind.

Success, that is why we came here-for the opportunity, for a better life. But, the desire to succeed is not American, it's universal. Success, whether personal or professional, comes from within us-each of us-and it comes in all shapes and sizes; it is not just defined by our bank accounts or what we call ourselves. Those who think that adopting someone else's mannerisms and values are the keys to success in America, are bound to fail in the long run.

That is our real fear, that we will fail in this Land of Opportunity. We might, I think. But, not because we are treated unfairly or because we retain our Indian values and culture. The road to success in the US need not be littered with our Indian traditions, our beliefs, or even our clothes. This is not assimilation-to get rid of what was passed down, to forget what we have learned, to change that which makes us unique, to look down on those who come from the same place (sometimes). If it is, we were American long before we reached the US. Here's what I mean:

A reader of my last column questioned whether I was perpetuating the model minority myth, was I suggesting only successful Indian immigrants deserved green cards? It seems the word "entrepreneur" did it; CEOs and IPO-wallahs deserve permanent residency but don't gas station owners? I ask, why this "successful" interpretation of "entrepreneur"? Why make the distinction? Do small business owners deserve a green card more than software engineers? Yes-but, only if they got in line first, not because some think certain Indian entrepreneurs are disadvantaged. It seems to me it isn't the majority that discriminates against Indians, we do a fairly good job of it on our own.

I have a friend who wears shalwaar-kameezes at work and home after living here for years. To listen to the pro-assimilation camp, you'd think her fashion critics are Americans. No, it's incredulous Indian women who ask why she doesn't wear jeans. So, while friends at work want clothes from India, Indians give her "the look"; one that says I'm American, what are you? These women must be so confused; with Indian cosmetics and other adornments now mainstream-Madonna, does this mean they have to wear bindis and mehndi too?

There are Indians who say they have forgotten their mother tongue because, you know, they don't use it here in the US. A language spoken for over 20 years is forgotten in less than 10? Still others change their name saying non-Indians can't pronounce it, or they're not American-sounding enough. Is "Kzcynski" (did I spell it right?) any easier than "Srivastava"? Or, Sameer more difficult than Samuel?

I can hear it now -- it's a free country, we can wear what we like, do what we want. Maybe. But, when we ridicule the choices of others, treat them as aliens, who are we to speak of assimilation and acceptance? Is this need to become American driven by embarrassment or because we truly believe that American is what we are, that American values are right for us as individuals? And as we say "off with the old", do we ask what can we offer others in the US? We have values and a heritage that are just as rich-things we need to pass on to our children, no matter where we live, like those who came to this country centuries ago did.

So, why, after decades in this country, do many of us still feel like outsiders, like guests of the US? A friend and I were talking about this and I don't think it has anything to do with assimilation. It may be something more insidious. Some of it, no doubt, comes from those who were here before us, no matter what their race or ethnicity. Like, those who refer to Indians as "you people", or "them".

But, it may not be all their fault. We say we must become American to achieve success, but we won't let our children play with their children, because we think American kids are a bad influence. We work with Americans but rarely socialize with them; we blame them for not accepting us, yet we also choose to stay away. Some of us think we're smarter, more hardworking, more religious, more family-oriented and why, if it weren't for us, the US economy would flounder. And if that weren't enough, we also think we're better than other Indians who came before us-they are apathetic, traditional, and their kids are too American.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? If we're so much better than Americans, then why assimilate? Wouldn't we be taking a step back? If we think being too American is a bad thing, why do we so badly want to embrace the American way of life?

But, let's say we do assimilate, will the above behaviors change? This is the stuff some say we must leave behind if we are to be accepted in the US. I don't think it will make a difference, because what we do here is not "Indian"; it is arrogance, snobbery, and just plain rude. We walk into someone else's home and say we like their house, but the people in it are not good enough for us. It's a wonder they haven't kicked us out already. But, new clothes and putting on a happy face won't change anything -- communicating with and respecting others, all others, and their way of life, may, however.

Someone else's home. That's what it was when we first arrived, and still is, for many, years later. Not because of them, but because we confuse our longing for India, its people, its sights, smells, and sounds, with guilt -- we didn't move to the US, we left India. We build our lives here, yet we feel displaced and plan for the day we will go back "home". Consequently, we think we're temporary residents here, despite what that hard-won green card says. As long as we think and feel like this, we will be treated like visitors, like aliens. With our actions and words we tell Americans we do not belong here, we do not want to be here.

But, when we call a place "home", we naturally take pride in it, we want it to be a good place, a place that feels comfortable to us and welcomes others. And, we do this for all who live in our home.

So, I question the wisdom of US citizens or residents who expend their energy and dollars to eradicate poverty and illiteracy in India, yet rarely support those who do the same work for people here. I wonder about those who wish to rejuvenate India, while neighborhoods across town, a town they may have lived in for 20 years, decay. I am confused when US citizens who are Indian denounce politicians and policies as anti-India, when these Indians may neither have the time nor inclination to vote in national or local elections. They may obsess over Indian politics, yet take little interest in what goes on in their city and the country of which they asked to be citizens.

To do any or all of the above exclusively for India guarantees our outsider-status here. But, we don't have to become American to change this-wanting a better home is not only an American dream. And we're already the kind of people who want to make our home a better place. We just need to figure out where home is. Maybe it's where the heart is, but a house here without a heart is an empty one. If we fill our homes with people, with children, we must make sure our heart is here as well.

It can work. We have big hearts. We can make this country our home and still have India in our heart, our soul. We can be Indian, no matter where we live. This is not a disadvantage, unless we think it is. We don't need to melt away the Indian in us. We can take pride in our culture, our values and still make a home here that feels right to us. And, it's something no one else can do for us-not Americans, not other Indians.

EARLIER COLUMN:
How blind can we be?

Reeta Sinha, a librarian at the Hoover Institution, Stanford University, is on sulekha.com's editorial team.

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